Our American Idol

Even though it's snowing in New York City on the first day of Spring, and everyone is grumbling and tired because it's Friday morning, our hearts were warmed and delighted to find a new update in our inbox from Her Majesty, Jessica Roncker. We met Jess while serving as one of her lowly, confused interns at the Feminist Press, years ago, but our bond was beyond any sort of boundaries set by our office ranks--perhaps because we share a very similar sarcastic, highly intelligent yet arguably criminal wit that did not necessarily thrive within the confines of the Press. Jess left the Press not too long after our internship ran its course, and she has since gone on to leave Manhattan island for more solid ground in the Kentucky heartland. But not after first landing a most unexpected and entertaining job as a sweaty-towel-washing hamster for the American Idol Summer Tour for Season 4, the year of Carrie Underwood, hosted appropriately by Pop Tarts. We partied with her late one evening that year, when the tour roared through NYC, and we shared some special eye-contact with an over-zealous Constantine Maroulis and a greasy Bo Bice. The following year, the year of Taylor Hicks or more notably, Chris Daughtry and Kathrine McPhee, Jess returned to the Idol tour, and this time we attended one of the dazzlingly uncomfortable Long Island concerts and watched the season's top 12 give it their best shot. We left that concert with two unforgettable memories:
1. That of a drunken mother, screaming and jumping around near us up in the bleachers as her breasts all but flew out of her very low cut shirt. Next to her her teenage daughter slouched and scowled, bored out of her mind , looking around at the empty seats. The mother at one point turned to us and shouted, "It's my birthday!". Cougars don't set that bar too high, folks, and they don't ask for much.
2. Because we were the friends of a tour staff member, we were allowed back stage and promptly whisked into an SUV alongside a smattering of higher numbered Idols and their parents. As we flew out of the garage, past many more screaming mothers and their daughters, we waved--the windows were darkened, so all fans saw faintly were our waving hands, but that was enough to assume it was the hand of Chris or Taylor, a desperate dream come true. And at that moment inside the our vehicle, (un?)lucky Idol number 13, a tiny boy of a teenager who was tenderly referred to as, "Chicken Little," responded to an inquiry about his summer plans. "What I SHOULD be doing this summer is traveling on this fucking tour!" An amusingly bitter, bitter young fellow.
Now we are pleased to announce, that after putting in her time (she has been doing the summer tours ever since), and even getting some off-season gigs with such celebrity wonders as the Spice Girls--"I am watching little Beckham's run by me right now; David is so nice by the way," she wrote from the road on the reunion tour-- Jess has officially been promoted to American Idol Summer Tour MANAGER. She is now THE Big Cheese, running the entire show, putting out flames, checking into L.A. in mid-May and making the magic happen until the end of September. It's quite an amazing accomplishment, and we are so proud!!! Way to go, Jess! We can't wait to see you and another set of fantasmic 12 again soon on your way through the Big Apple! Congrats! You can check out Jess's hilarious and addictive blog, Ronckytonk, where she also includes notes from the road, under 'TCO Required Reading'.